Giving meaning to life
by Milind Jadhav on March 1, 2012
What is the meaning of life? Why do we exist? What is ‘out there’ that we are seeking? After we get there, then what?
What is success? Does it mean having a large bank balance? A happy relationship? Good health? A job you love? A peaceful night’s sleep? Does it mean achieving your goals? Learning from your mistakes? Discovering all the answers? Having control of your mind? Does it mean all of these?
Why is it that if I ask a hundred people their definition of success I will get a hundred different answers? Why is it that there are hundreds if not thousands of books on success and yet there are more people who consider themselves unsuccessful than successful? Which definition of success is the right one? Is there a right one? How do I find out? Is there a way? Does it matter?
What is the meaning of a happy life? Is there one meaning? Who’s to say what’s a happy life? Where does happiness exist? How long can happiness last? Can we be happy 24×7? What does it take? Can we buy it?
What makes money stick to some people and not to others? How come some people are so calm even in the toughest of times? Why do some people never put on weight whatever they eat while others keep bloating despite their best efforts? Why is it that some people work hard all their lives, try and try and remain stuck financially while others flourish effortlessly? What is it about some people who have wonderful relationships with their spouses for decades, while others can’t stand their partners even for a few weeks?
I am sure questions like these pop up for all of us at different times in our lives. This happens when we take time to pause, to reflect, to enquire where we are headed and why we are headed wherever we are headed!
Giving meaning to situations that come into my life, things that happen to me, has always been a game I have played to the fullest. And that game gets more and more interesting when I discover that there are no ‘right’ answers. And even more interesting when I search and search but never find the answer.
We are all meaning-making-machines. We are experts at creating meanings. We create meanings that suit us. And we don’t even realize this. We have fixed views of how life should be, what happiness means and how people should behave (especially with us). If things happen the way we want them to, we have a ready meaning for it. If they don’t, we have another ready meaning for that too.
I have always believed that there is no meaning to life other than what we CHOOSE to give to it. When I say CHOOSE, I mean a thought-through EMPOWERING meaning that leaves us feeling good rather than feeling miserable. By taking the time to choose and practicing this habit we can break out of an automated way of reacting, interpreting and behaving. We are very capable of breaking out of an automated way of BEING.
Things happen to us. Nice things and not so nice things. They happen to us and they happen to everybody. It is never what happens to us that defines our state of mind but what meaning we give to what happens to us that defines it.
If only we could slow down. If only we could pause and reflect. And even if we want to live an automated life, surely we can uninstall the old operating system in our mind. And install a new one that is designed to create empowering meanings that leave us with strength and joy and a new state of BEING that focuses on the present moment rather than some illusion that’s waiting for us ‘out there.’
Change is always challenged
by Milind Jadhav on January 28, 2012
Inertia is a BAD word. It can wreak havoc in your life. Sometimes getting out of bed and wearing your jogging shoes can seem to be the most difficult thing to do in life. Yet one day you are able to move yourself out of lethargy. You not only wear your shoes, you actually go for a 20 minute walk too. That day and the next day and the next day! You feel delighted. A sense of accomplishment engulfs you. The mega business order you bagged the previous week pales in comparison to the significance of this achievement! You tell yourself.. now only if I could continue this tomorrow and the day after and.. forever. And then disaster strikes!
The rain clouds appear out of nowhere. Or you sprain your leg. Or maybe you’re sent off on a week-long outstation tour. And you say.. “NO! After great difficulty I had gotten into this good routine and now it’s being disrupted even before I started following it properly! Maybe the morning walk won’t work out for me.. the evening gym routine is better..”. And guess what? You have to wait for another few months before you get into the evening routine!
Sounds familiar? Why is it that nature doesn’t seem to help us when we are all determined to change? It happens to us all the time doesn’t it? With great resolve, you decide to go on a diet and the next day you get an invitation for a mega party, one where you know the desert spread itself could send you into nirvana!
You’re a housewife and you finally decide you’ve got to get more active on Facebook and stay connected with your online friends. Barely a day after you start the routine the computer conks off. You decide that from today you’ll control your temper and be more calm and just then some bloke comes and does something so stupid that you find every reason to lose your cool and blow up on him!
You’ve heard change is difficult and now you understand why. You had probably bargained for your inability to fight inertia but didn’t factor in nature opposing every step of change you wanted to take. You feel helpless and tell yourself “This is unfair. I want to change and I can.. if only nature didn’t resist it so badly”. Worse still you decide to be happy with status quo “There’s no point” you feel, “I did give it a try, but things are not working out. Maybe I’ll try again some other day.”
Life is funny, isn’t it? And it doesn’t always seem fair either. Especially when it comes to change. As if it isn’t difficult enough to get into the change mindset, now nature wants to play spoilsport by resisting that change.
Your best bet is to accept this as another law of nature. And instead of labeling yourself as ‘unfortunate’, believe that the Universe has no prejudices against you. In fact the Universe itself is constantly changing. The world around us is a different place every second. Why would the Universe want to stop you from changing?
It wouldn’t. All it’s doing is testing you. Checking the strength of your resolve. Provoking you. Challenging you. Asking you if the change you seek is superficial or genuine. Assessing if you can endure the bigger challenges that lie ahead. Questioning your determination and shaking you up in the process.
The Universe wants a student that is ready. Whether you are or are not depends on how you respond to the resistance nature throws at you. You give up and it concludes that you’re not ready yet. It’s up to you to show the Universe how badly you want to change. If it rains, are you determined to replace your walk with an indoor workout? When you’re on a diet are you capable of turning down the party invitation or better still going for it and consciously skipping the heavy desert?
Yes, when you decide to change it will be a tug of war. Between you and Life. It may initially seem that Life has the upper hand. It is true that when you fight with Life, Life always wins. But remember here, the Universe is just playing a small game with you. It’s just pretending to be tough. Just stay put, remain focussed and very soon you’ll realize the resistance has disappeared and the process of change becomes so smooth you don’t even feel you’ve got to make any great effort.
You perhaps face these challenges everyday. The tug of war between you and the Universe is constantly on. Most of it is subconscious. And if you’re one of those busy stressed out people you probably won’t even pause and figure out what’s happening. All you’ll remember is that you kept trying different things and some things worked out and some things didn’t.
Next time you try something different, anticipate resistance. Be prepared for it. When the Universe resists, laugh it off. Pooh-pooh it! Don’t feel frustrated or angry or helpless. Feel amused instead. Put in that extra effort at staying put. Figure out your own way of tackling that resistance, consciously. Whatever you do, break the pattern of your usual thinking. If you can, enjoy the tug of war!
You do that, and this time you’re sure to win.. for a change!
